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Official Jokes Thread
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xrust
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
63
Posts :
1742
Posted : Dec 21, 2006 00:10
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Quote:
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On 2006-12-20 09:19, Gopinesh wrote:
Once up on the time..there were 3 trancers somwhere in space n time...the two of them decided to leave away,but the one and alone standed ...but finnaly nobody remained in the end...and thats because the LOST one that remained was a LOST BODY...
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hehehehe i am afraid that our foreign friends wont get this gopinesh 
but it reminded me of another greek joke:
it was 2 in a bar
and after a while.....it was 2:15 
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Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Dec 22, 2006 17:57
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This is creepy but amazing !
Thnik of a letter
between
A and W
Repeat it
out loud as
you scroll down.
Keep going . . .
Don't stop . . ..
Think of an
animal
that begins
with that letter.
Repeat it
out loud
as you
scroll down.
Think of
either a man's/woman' s
name
that
begins
with the
last letter
in the
animals name
Almost
there....... .
Now
count out
the letters
in that name
on the fingers
of the hand
you are not
using to
scroll down.
Take the hand you
counted with
and hold it out
in front of you
at face level
............ .....
Look at your
palm
very closely
and
notice
the
lines
in
your
hand
............ .....
Do the lines
take the
form of the
first letter
in the
persons name?
............ .....
Of course not.......
Now smack
yourself in the head, get a life,
and
quit playing
stupid
e-mail games!
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
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killer_h
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
12
Posts :
114
Posted : Jan 3, 2007 02:49
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A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue
, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take
a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for
$350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't
Worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man
Insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the
Hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were
Available for the husband and wife to use.
But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
The hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and
Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says but we didn't go to any of those
Shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter
What facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and
Agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says,
"This check is only made out for $1.00"
"That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $349 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the Sardarji replies, "she
Was here, and you could have."
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : Jan 3, 2007 13:46
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hehe nice one killer_h
missing plug-in |
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xrust
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
63
Posts :
1742
Posted : Jan 5, 2007 21:08
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man's words:
why do i had to marry a woman???my sister married a man ,and she is having no problems at all.....(those are true words )
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Jan 8, 2007 14:07
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FROZEN HELL
Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Pete was furious.
"If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass of.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.
"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.
To focus sometimes you need to spin hard on your soul's axis..... just don't ask how and what it means ;) |
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Anak
Anakoluth
Started Topics :
108
Posts :
2395
Posted : Jan 8, 2007 19:09
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Quote:
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On 2007-01-08 14:07, jabba wrote:
FROZEN HELL
Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Pete was furious.
"If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass of.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.
"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.
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nice one, but i really doubt St. Pete curses like this 
Anakoluth A Pebble in Your Eardrum's Shoe since 2001!
http://www.myspace.com/anakoluth
http://www.ektoplazm.com/profiles/anakoluth/
http://cronomi.com |
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xrust
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
63
Posts :
1742
Posted : Jan 9, 2007 02:22
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james bond steps into a bar.he sits in the bar next to a very beautiful woman(of course)...
after 2 minutes he starts talking with her,showing off his valuable gadgets...
"thsi is my lighter,which also is a cd player,blender,car etc etc"
the woman shows very impressed..
james continues showing off"this is my pen which also is a bazooka,boat,satelite tv etc etc"
the woman is even more impressed(of course)
james continues"and last but most valuable,is my watch,which shows me what is happening around me..."
the woman seems not to understand...
"for example"says james"it shjows me right now that u are not wearing any underwear"
the woman laughs and says"but i do wear my underwears"
and james says"ups,u are right.it is one hour ahead"
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Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Jan 9, 2007 05:34
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hahaha 
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
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ZinC
Started Topics :
0
Posts :
62
Posted : Jan 9, 2007 16:00
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Quote:
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On 2006-12-20 09:19, Gopinesh wrote:
Once up on the time..there were 3 trancers somwhere in space n time...the two of them decided to leave away,but the one and alone standed ...but finnaly nobody remained in the end...and thats because the LOST one that remained was a LOST BODY...
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fucking funny if u can understand |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Jan 20, 2007 07:18
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It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving
gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know
what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : Jan 23, 2007 13:19
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2 Friends are hunting in the woods. It was very dark and by accident, the one friend shot the other friend in the back, assuming her was a deer.
He runs up to his mate and realises what he has done. He takes out his mobile and dials 911.
"Help me! I think Ive killed my friend!" he said.
"Ok, well i need to you remain calm. I need you to make sure he is dead." said the operator.
There was a silence and then 2 loud gun shots were heard.
"Ok, now what?" said the man.
missing plug-in |
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kikola
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
93
Posts :
764
Posted : Jan 24, 2007 12:27
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james bond smokes a huuuuuuge spliff and gets very very stoned....
Whilst walking down the road he notices a beautiful blonde girl , and immediately he introduces himself in the widely know manner:
"My name is Bond..."
"James, Din"
@Iono_Music
http://www.ionomusic.com/
Iono_Music_Shop
http://www.ionomusic.com/shop
www.ouim.net/djs/kikola |
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SkyBluGoa
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
20
Posts :
388
Posted : Jan 26, 2007 06:20
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Difference Between Men and Women
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
Catfish and Lawyers
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other is just a fish.
Buried Lawyers
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
The Test
A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.
The engineer went in first and was asked, ''''What is 2+2?'''' The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ''''4.''''
Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, ''''4.0''''
Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, ''''What do you want it to be?''''
A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa ...
A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?
The stupid blonde because the other two don't exist.
Blonde and Waitress
Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress' nametag?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?''
Technology-Enabled Amoebas
How do amoebas keep in touch?
With cell phones.
Electricity Mathematics
Q: How many men does it take to screw a light bulb into a socket?
A: One -- because men will screw anything.
I don't know, but I've been told, if you keep on dancing you won't grow old. |
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full_on
IsraTrance Team
Started Topics :
279
Posts :
5475
Posted : Jan 26, 2007 23:16
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LOL
Keep them coming...
Respect!
.
...Be gentle with the earth...
...Dance like nobody's watching...
.
...I don't mind not going to Heaven, as long as they've got Coffee in Hell... |
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