| Author
|
Official Jokes Thread
|
Wizack Twizack
Wizack Twizack
Started Topics :
239
Posts :
3486
Posted : Nov 5, 2006 19:36
|
|
bianca djús
Started Topics :
2
Posts :
149
Posted : Nov 8, 2006 04:42
|
Tommy Ando... You're Cute , that's true..
TO-MIANDO
(just for spanish readers  )
|
|
|
alienatedBuddha
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
10
Posts :
121
Posted : Nov 10, 2006 04:25
|
love me for who i am.........
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.
 These are small paper squares, quarter of an inch from a side, and the've been impregnated with LSD'
'LSD doesn't fry your brain, it expands the mind. |
|
|
|
lokus
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
12
Posts :
684
Posted : Nov 10, 2006 09:03
|
^^
hahahaha 
- last possible solution
- trick music
- ambivalent records
myspace.com/lokuz
ps: y trance?
|
|
|
|
bianca djús
Started Topics :
2
Posts :
149
Posted : Nov 10, 2006 10:21
|
|
you're all the fkn same |
|
|
|
goaren
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
60
Posts :
1151
Posted : Nov 10, 2006 12:34
|
fucking good one 
publish this to 80% of the women in the world and gametime is over |
|
|
|
alienatedBuddha
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
10
Posts :
121
Posted : Nov 10, 2006 22:44
|
thnkz @ bianca 
lil jhonny n his cookies...
Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and lights it.
Little Johnny says, “Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?”
“Can you touch your butt with your penis?”
“No,” replies Little Johnny.
“Then, you’re not big enough,” explains the grandfather.
A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it.
Little Johnny then asks, “Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?”
“Can you touch your asshole with your penis?”
“No,” says Little Johnny.
“Then, you’re not old enough.”
Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one.
The grandfather looks at him and says, “They look good, can I have one of your cookies?”
“Can you touch your asshole with your penis?”
“I most certainly can!” says the grandfather proudly.
“Then go fuck yourself… these are my cookies!”
----------------------------------------
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5, 3-5, 3-5…
-------------------------------------------- These are small paper squares, quarter of an inch from a side, and the've been impregnated with LSD'
'LSD doesn't fry your brain, it expands the mind. |
|
|
|
bianca djús
Started Topics :
2
Posts :
149
Posted : Nov 11, 2006 06:41
|
|
^^^ haha no problem dear |
|
|
|
Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Nov 11, 2006 12:54
|
hahaha lmao - alienatedBuddha 
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
|
|
|
SkyBluGoa
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
20
Posts :
388
Posted : Nov 13, 2006 07:23
|
Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
I don't know, but I've been told, if you keep on dancing you won't grow old. |
|
|
|
Jeto
Jeto
Started Topics :
258
Posts :
3252
Posted : Nov 15, 2006 03:02
|
·$27♥·$25Bianca Djús·$1® ·$3lll·$55··$4lll·0!!! ·$26 [.p.s.y.b.e.i.b.i][Cachetitos Team ] says:
get me an ice latte..
·$27♥·$25Bianca Djús·$1® ·$3lll·$55··$4lll·0!!! ·$26 [.p.s.y.b.e.i.b.i][Cachetitos Team ] says:
then i get u some tacos ,. we can meet on the border
https://www.djjeto.com |
|
|
|
bianca djús
Started Topics :
2
Posts :
149
Posted : Nov 15, 2006 05:14
|
|
Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Nov 18, 2006 10:04
|
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
|
|
|
jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Nov 21, 2006 12:16
|
An ignorant foreigner asks an Indian about India. Check out the humourous answers!!!
Q. You’re from India, aren’t you? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant. But later to save air, we started elephant-pooling with our neighbors, You see elephants have an “emissions” problem…..
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage elephant-pooling schemes.
Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even the tigers are vegetarian in India.
Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British ruled India, they employed Indians as servants. Since it took too long for the Indians to learn English, the British isolated an “English-language” gene and implanted it into their servants’ babies and since then all babies born in India speak perfect English.
Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
Q. India is very hot, isn’t it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian principles of self-sufficiency. All of us make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these skinny Indians.
Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. Therefore, eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.
Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don’t have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to harden it so that we can walk.
Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer that to coming to work naked
To focus sometimes you need to spin hard on your soul's axis..... just don't ask how and what it means ;) |
|
|
|
jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Nov 22, 2006 11:20
|
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”
The woman said, “That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to.”
The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.” So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.”
The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish,and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good ! =)
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they’re really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that you women never listen!!!!!!!!!
To focus sometimes you need to spin hard on your soul's axis..... just don't ask how and what it means ;) |
|
|
|
|
