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Official Jokes Thread
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : Apr 26, 2006 08:48
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*Q. What do a condom and a Kodak camera have in common?
A. They both capture the moment.
  the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : Apr 26, 2006 12:47
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A man went to the chemist to buy 1/4 of a Viagra. The Chemist said that it would be useless. The man said, "I am 70, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing on my shoes."
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : May 16, 2006 08:34
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Boy asks:
Daddy, how was I born?
Dad Says:
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a
Chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with her and we met at
A cyber-cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, where
Your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither one of us had used a firewall, in the main
time all data was transfered and since it was too late
to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed
little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've got male!
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : May 16, 2006 08:37
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First day of school
It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar
Subrahmanyam entered Grade 4.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said
'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except
for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the
People, shall not perish from the Earth?'" Again, no response except from
Chandrashekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrashekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than
you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General
Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher
glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again,
Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!" Chandrashekhar
jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill
Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone
said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!" and Chandrashekhar said
quietly, "George Bush, Iraq, 2005."
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : May 18, 2006 16:17
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....... .......omg
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : May 19, 2006 08:35
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Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable?
Father (F): It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose
with your finger!!
S : Why do women enjoy sex more than men?
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than
your finger.
S : Why do women hate it when they get raped? F : It is like when you are
walking on the street, Someone else comes over and digs in your nose, do you
like it??
S : Why can women not have sex when they are Menstruating?
F : If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it??
S : Why do men not like to wear condoms when They are making love?
F : Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger?
S : Why is making love carried out in private?
F : Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!
S : What is an orgasm?
F : The same as sneezing, but the other way round
S : Is it true that women love big dicckks?
F : Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb?
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : May 19, 2006 08:40
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A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful
chorus girl of well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for
$500. When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things having
transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him, but would
have his secretary mail her a check for it, made out with a memo of RENT FOR
APARTMENT, to avoid any embarrassment. On the way to the office, however,
after thinking the matter over carefully, he decided the night hadn't been
worth what he'd agreed to pay. As a result, he had his secretary send a
check for $250 instead, and enclosed the following explanatory note:
Dear Madam: "Enclosed is a cheque for the amount of $250 for rent on your
apartment. I am sending this amount instead of the amount originally agreed
upon, because when I rented this apartment, I was under the impression
that...
1.It had never been occupied
2. There was plenty of heat
3. It was small
Last night, I found that it had been occupied many times, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large!"
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check, with this
note:
"I am returning the check for $250. I cannot understand how you could expect
such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat... there is
plenty of it there if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it's not
my fault if you didn't have enough furniture to furnish it."
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : May 21, 2006 17:09
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There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SH**!!!!!!!………"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.
missing plug-in |
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : May 23, 2006 08:26
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A boy after having great sex with his GF, saw a nude male's photo in her
wallet.
He asked her, "is he your ex-bf?"
Girl (licking his ear): Silly! Thats me before the operation.
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : May 23, 2006 08:31
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Exams are like WIVES:
1.Too Many Questions.
2.Difficult To Understand.
3.Elaborate Explanation Is Needed.
4.Result Is Always Unexpected.
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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Goddess of Chaos
Started Topics :
1
Posts :
132
Posted : May 24, 2006 19:34
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Teacher: John why did you bring your cat to school today?
John: (crying) I heard the neighbour uncle tell mom, I am going to eat your pussy after the kid goes to school-
"If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace" |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : May 25, 2006 15:55
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Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick
To focus sometimes you need to spin hard on your soul's axis..... just don't ask how and what it means ;) |
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : May 25, 2006 16:05
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q. What is the useless piece of flesh attached to the penis called ?
a. man
missing plug-in |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : May 25, 2006 16:13
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Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.
To focus sometimes you need to spin hard on your soul's axis..... just don't ask how and what it means ;) |
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : May 25, 2006 18:34
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Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $ 1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: " $ 70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last
year is back on the market. They're asking $ 950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at
him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and
asks:"Anyone know who this phone belongs to
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