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Official Jokes Thread
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Pavel
Moderator
Started Topics :
313
Posts :
8648
Posted : Oct 30, 2004 12:06
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On 2004-10-30 02:54, Colin OOOD wrote:
Two DJs are talking...
First DJ: "Hey, you want to come to the movies tonight?"
Second DJ: "I don't know... who's the projectionist?"
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LOL. Astral Projectionist offcourse
  Everyone in the world is doing something without me |
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Anak
Anakoluth
Started Topics :
108
Posts :
2395
Posted : Oct 30, 2004 12:06
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Quote:
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On 2004-10-28 14:27, psytones wrote:
Anyone know this one? hehe ... 
Two tomatos went for a walk in the city.
They came to a road which they had to cross. As they walked over the street, one of the two tomatos got hit by a car
*POW* *SPLAT* *silence*
So the tomato who had not been hit by the car said: Hey.. Come on ketchup.
hehehehhehehehehehhe  hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe
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Pulp Fiction? 
Anakoluth A Pebble in Your Eardrum's Shoe since 2001!
http://www.myspace.com/anakoluth
http://www.ektoplazm.com/profiles/anakoluth/
http://cronomi.com |
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Pavel
Moderator
Started Topics :
313
Posts :
8648
Posted : Oct 30, 2004 12:08
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A bit of a British humour (plz don't kill me if u don't get it)
Why the Pirates are called the "Pirates"?
Because they are!
And another one:
Mommy, where are you going every night?
Shut up, you son of a bitch!
How do you call a hundred lawyers tied up to a stone and thrown to the sea?
A good start
How many Programmers are needed to change a lighbulb?
None, it's a hardware problem.
How do you recognize a drowning programmer?
It's the one that shouts F1.
3 friends, Mechanics Engineer, Electric Engineer and Programmer went to a drive.
Suddenly the car shut down dead. The owner of the car, the mechanics eng. said: what's the big deal? probably some oil problem, give me a minute. He went to the front of the car, tried to fix but with no success. Then the electrics engineer came and said: hey, what's the big deal, probably some wires cut down. Went to the front of the car, tried to find the failure but with no luck. Then the programmer said: hey, what's the problem with you guys? Just shut the close the doors, shut the car down and, turn the car on and re-open the windows.
How do you recognise there was a blond girl near the computer?
Wet Joystick, White-out on the screen and cheese near the mouse.
A blond girl took a car for a drive. After several Km's some another blond cop stopped the car.
Blond Cop: Can i see your license please?
Blond Driver: What's a license?
Blond Cop: It's that thing with your face on.
Blond Driver: Ahh ok, hold a second.
Blond Driver started to search for the license in the glove compartment. After a few seconds suddenly she found a mirror. She handled the mirror to the cop and told her: Here you go, my license.
then the blond cop replied: Hey why didn't you tell me you're a cop as well??? Everyone in the world is doing something without me |
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Pt.
IsraTrance Senior Member
Started Topics :
236
Posts :
6106
Posted : Nov 1, 2004 13:48
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Quote:
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On 2004-10-30 12:06, Anak wrote:
Quote:
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On 2004-10-28 14:27, psytones wrote:
Anyone know this one? hehe ...
Two tomatos went for a walk in the city.
They came to a road which they had to cross. As they walked over the street, one of the two tomatos got hit by a car
*POW* *SPLAT* *silence*
So the tomato who had not been hit by the car said: Hey.. Come on ketchup.
hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe
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Pulp Fiction?
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Nope, kindergarden.
hmmm... 'Warning! At the end of this joke you will groan.'
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here."
The mushroom says, "Why?! I'm a fun guy (fungi)!"
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Goblim
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
104
Posts :
731
Posted : Nov 2, 2004 20:43
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Quote:
| A blond girl took a car for a drive. After several Km's some another blond cop stopped the car.
Blond Cop: Can i see your license please?
Blond Driver: What's a license?
Blond Cop: It's that thing with your face on.
Blond Driver: Ahh ok, hold a second.
Blond Driver started to search for the license in the glove compartment. After a few seconds suddenly she found a mirror. She handled the mirror to the cop and told her: Here you go, my license.
then the blond cop replied: Hey why didn't you tell me you're a cop as well??? |
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good one
Ut ameris, amabilis esto. |
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IndiAlien
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
28
Posts :
1224
Posted : Nov 3, 2004 11:19
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The missionary
A missionary in Africa realizes that the one thing he has never taught the natives is how to speak English.
He takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little
farther, and the missionary points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hear
ing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The missionary is really getting enthusiastic about the results, when he
hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of
natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The missionary is really
flustered, and quickly says, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, he pulls out his blowgun and poisoned darts, and kills them.
The missionary goes ballistic, and yells at the chief that he has spent years
teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other,
so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, *"My bike."*
there is a light that
flashes |
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Dragongurl
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
19
Posts :
623
Posted : Nov 3, 2004 11:27
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Hahahahhaa!! Good one Indi!!
:: Life can be as bitter as dragon tears
But whether dragon tears are bitter or sweet
depends entirely on how each man perceives the taste :: |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Nov 3, 2004 14:38
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Detective Sardars (sikh)
A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first Singh answers, "That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman
says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side
profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?"
The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?" >
Extremely frustrated at thi s point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him? >
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singh
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears
contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,
checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming
smile on his face. >
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" >
"That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear."
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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Anak
Anakoluth
Started Topics :
108
Posts :
2395
Posted : Nov 6, 2004 02:05
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Quote:
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On 2004-11-01 13:48, psytones wrote:
Quote:
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On 2004-10-30 12:06, Anak wrote:
Quote:
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On 2004-10-28 14:27, psytones wrote:
Anyone know this one? hehe ...
Two tomatos went for a walk in the city.
They came to a road which they had to cross. As they walked over the street, one of the two tomatos got hit by a car
*POW* *SPLAT* *silence*
So the tomato who had not been hit by the car said: Hey.. Come on ketchup.
hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe hehehehhehehehehehhe
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Pulp Fiction?
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Nope, kindergarden.
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its the same joke the girl (dunno her name) told to the guy (dunno his name) in that freaky restaurant just before they started the dance contest.
Anakoluth A Pebble in Your Eardrum's Shoe since 2001!
http://www.myspace.com/anakoluth
http://www.ektoplazm.com/profiles/anakoluth/
http://cronomi.com |
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Gilad Refael
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
79
Posts :
2113
Posted : Nov 6, 2004 04:26
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mia (uma thurman) told vincent (john travolta) the joke from fox force five
now, to make it a little bit less offtopic, i have to find a joke..... so wait a second i'm thinking
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so...
a guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
the bartender says: damn, why are you drinking so fast?
the guy says, you would be drinking fast if you had what I had
the bartender says, What do you have?
The guy says, 75 cents.
REHAB is for quitters |
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Pt.
IsraTrance Senior Member
Started Topics :
236
Posts :
6106
Posted : Nov 6, 2004 13:57
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A horse walkes in to a bar, and the bartender says. "Why the long face?"
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Colin OOOD
OOOD/Voice of Cod
Started Topics :
95
Posts :
5380
Posted : Nov 8, 2004 07:02
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IndiAlien
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
28
Posts :
1224
Posted : Nov 8, 2004 12:31
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woman complaining to dentist:
"this is so painful, i'd rather have a baby than have a tooth removed!"
dentist:
"make up your mind soon, i'll adjust the chair accordingly."
q(@ _ @)p
there is a light that
flashes |
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mistique
Started Topics :
0
Posts :
6
Posted : Nov 10, 2004 23:03
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There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood."The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood."The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."
The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."
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Dragongurl
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
19
Posts :
623
Posted : Nov 11, 2004 07:59
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EEwwwww!!! Hahahaha!!
My joke for the forum:
Famous Vodka & Red Bull Christmas Cake
Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
Lemon Juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle of Vodka
1 can of Red Bull
2 cups dried fruit
Method:
1. Sample the vodka to check the quality.
2. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.
3. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and mix with a little red bull and drink.
4. Repeat.
5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
6. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
7. At this point its is best to make sure the vodka is still ok.
8. Flavour with red bull to taste.
9. Try another cup - just in case turn off the mixerer.
10. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
11. Pick fruit off floor
12. Mix on the turner.
13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
14. Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticitity, flavour with a little Bed Rull.
15. Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or something ... Who giveshz a damn....
16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder
17. Pick up the can, mop the floor
18. Check the vodka
19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
20. Add one table.
21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over..
23. Don't forget to beat off the turner
24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the dog.
25. Fall into bed.
CHERRY MISTMAS
I roll everytime I read it!!  WAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
:: Life can be as bitter as dragon tears
But whether dragon tears are bitter or sweet
depends entirely on how each man perceives the taste :: |
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