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Trance, drugs, and what's 'real'
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fuzzikitten
Annunaki
Started Topics :
40
Posts :
603
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 19:37
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There was a thread on here recently that reminded me a great deal of some personal experiences I've had with the trance community. I was going to post this on the thread, but it has since been locked.
I wrote this with the intent of sharing it, and would still like to do so.
I do not wish this to be a continuation of the argument on that thread (locked is locked), but maybe just something to be read and considered.
thanks,
-Alex
***********
This whole thread is resonating too much with my own personal experiences for me not to relate them here.
I apologize for the lengthy and rambling post on an obviously emotional topic and hope that it’s presence is not offensive...
***
A year ago I met a veteran goahead on a listserve. I was very new to the scene, and this marked the first friend I had made that was also ‘in’ to goa/psytrance. Sharing a common interest in writing music and goa, he and I quickly became friends, talking about philosophy, goa, and how to get really good kick drums.
Soon into our friendship I sensed within him a dissatisfaction with the goa scene, and when pressed about it he would talk of today's goa scene hijacking authentic religions, using imagery and motifs without respect for what they mean. He felt that the scene was deteriorating in authenticity, devolving into a mockery and something less pure.
At first I ignored his dissatisfaction as I was still very new to the scene, having attended my first goa party the previous summer (Gaian Mind '03) and still being in the ‘honeymoon period’, so to speak. But more and more he seemed less interested in talking about goa, and more and more interested in his Lukumi religion. Eventually he decided to sell his CDs and tapestries and offered to sell them to me, and then he sold all of his production equipment. At this point I found our conversations becoming strained as I was still interested in talking about writing music and/or goa, and more and more the two evoked a cynical response from him with a focus on the 'younger generation.' It was this younger generation which he felt was responsible for the demise of the goa scene, and the primary reason he was leaving. It was at this point that he also decided to quit all recreational drug use save for alcohol.
There were other factors that further complicated our friendship, but the point of this ramble was my impression of him as he left the goa scene. He felt that goa was fake, that the sensation of community and 'some greater purpose' was all chemically induced and *temporary* and that if he was ever going to find his answers, he would have to look in a real religion. He was looking for real answers, and had decided that goa was not real.
***
I remember watching a video with him of a traditional Lukumi ceremony in which the dancers sometimes become possessed. At a point in which one dancer was clearly undergoing a deep trance/possession/SOMETHING state, my friend commented something to the effect of "all those silly goaheads trying to enter a trance - (indicating the video) now this is the *real* deal!“
***
The last I heard from my friend was a comment posted on an online journal entry I had made regarding a party I had been to in Asheville. The party had been a very meaningful experience, sparking a new way of writing music as well as a desire to begin painting, all of which I related in my journal. At the party I had ingested about half a dose of mushrooms.
My friend's comment was, in short, that the experiences I had experienced were nothing more than that of a drug, and not real, and that he felt sorry for me that I needed drugs to have those experiences.
***
For a long time it sent me on a 'crisis of faith' so to speak, feeling very disillusioned with the entire 'trance dance experience'. I thought about his comment every day (and still do), hounding myself with the questions about what I had experienced, asking myself over and over "IS IT REAL?"
Will I too one day wake up and realize that the time/effort/love I put into trance is all for something fake, and wasted?
I seriously wish I had a rational, provable, *scientific* answer for that. But alas it seems to come down to one simple, tenuous, fragile concept:
faith.
All this talk about the community, the music, the drugs, the art, the people, the loving, the bitching – all these things that we label and categorize and say we’re for or we’re against – to me they’re all echoes of something bigger, something that I simply cannot wrap my tiny mind around and when I try to, my whole body starts to move and twist and stomp stomp stomp.
I dance, because I believe in something. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how to communicate it to others, and I sure as hell can’t prove it to anyone. But I know it’s there.
The rest is just background noise.
(if you’ve gotten this far, I applaud and thank you. I hope it’s been at least somewhat entertaining. I feel better for having written it.)
Peace,
-Alex
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Cyzum
Cyzum
Started Topics :
77
Posts :
347
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 20:35
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Interesting read Alex. Thanks for sharing it.
This all reminds me of when the Rave scene was in its infancy.
For me, the music is the drug. Nothing else. |
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paradigm
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
54
Posts :
1098
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 21:09
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Good read, and i have to agree with Cyzum 's connection with the early rave scene.
What first attracted me to goa/psy scene about 4 -5 years ago is the fact that the energy and vibe at parties reminded me or old skool raves back in the early to mid 90's.
That energy itself as since wained, but there is still something there
Further i think religion is what you make you of it, maybe by theological standards the Lukumi can be more recognized, but so what.
I feel that whatever it takes to move you personally to that space where you feel at peace or happiness or even so far as enlightenment, then so be it.
Whether it be tribal drums, a gospel choir or some gnarly heavy basslines that reverberates in your soul,...find what works for you. For many of us its trance.
I also cant remember the specifics on it, but 145 beats per minute conencts to us as humans on some deeper level. Many African tribes drum at that speed for the cerimonies, as well as dervishes i do beleive. (dont quote me) and why you dont here house heads preaching the same rants we do
125-130 bpm , just doesnt do it, nor does 180 what we listen to deffinately seems to have deeper connection, somehow, someway.
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Psycosmo
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
42
Posts :
787
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 21:14
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>>Will I too one day wake up and realize that the time/effort/love I put into trance is all for something fake, and wasted?<<
If you put time and effort and love into something I think that makes it real. It is only fake when you are not willing to put these things in.
>>all these things that we label and categorize and say we’re for or we’re against – to me they’re all echoes of something bigger, something that I simply cannot wrap my tiny mind around and when I try to, my whole body starts to move and twist and stomp stomp stomp.
I dance, because I believe in something. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how to communicate it to others, and I sure as hell can’t prove it to anyone. But I know it’s there<<<
I can definately relate!
Thanks for the post, I found it really interesting. |
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mortage
Started Topics :
1
Posts :
20
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 21:14
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Very meanning and interesting.
Well I love the music and i dont do drugs anymore and I wuz afraid of gonna to partys and fests and dont like it anymore. But really i love the music dance, laugh, enjoy live with the sound....
And the scene in many ways is changin' |
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slyman604
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
11
Posts :
263
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 21:52
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haha JIM!
i use to talk to jim on aim too, i dont think ive talked to him in about a year though.
I think he had alot of personal issues/general unhappy mindset that he projected on to the trance scene along with a ton of horseshit about religion.
If you invest enough belief in something it becomes real enough. |
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GhregOnEarth
Phosphene
Started Topics :
30
Posts :
205
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 22:38
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It has seemed to me for awhile that much of our thoughts and experiences are framed by the language we use. Consider for a moment, the change in perspective one experiences in exchanging the word "druq" for "sacrament" or exchanging the word "scene" for "community" or perhaps "tribe".
The field of experience is quite pure and expansive ad infinite and it takes the clothing of language to map our lives amidst it's vast terrain. But we are not enslaved to it.....we have the choice as to how we wish to frame our experiences.
For me, the trance and the dance has been much about shedding the clothing of language and shedding the garment of culture and to return to a place where one can simply BE.
And to BE is a precursor to all institutions including religion.
One must be careful in weilding the sword of mind and reason. It most definitely has it's place and is a powerful tool for which we could build nothing of value without, but when the rejuvenating life waters of romance (and what is more romantic than dancing under an open sky?) meets the sword of critical reason it results in cruelty. We must carry with us and protect our personal Eden and our invisioned Paradises.
How old is the experience of dancing together around the flames of lust.....the lust for life? Can we transmute our existential crisis of our ultimate awareness of being alone in our experiences, in life and in death, into a celebration of the paradox that we all share this together, this common factor, with compassion?
This to me is to Dance. And it is Ancient.
Perhaps even more ancient than Isratrance Forum! 
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bluespectralmonkey
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
80
Posts :
1336
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 22:59
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i say alex, those experiences we all shared at neptunalia and samadhi reunion were more than real. they were hyperreal. (again back to the old rave days hehe) i know its real because of having been there, and having put days of manifest meditations in on both gatherings to help make them what they were. youre always welcome here to be and do what you feel.
for someone ( i know him too...ive had similar experiences ) to discredit those is unfair and biased. especially since he was not in attendance. sounds like hes just trying to bring you down, since he is not allowing himself to experience joy like he used to. generalizing by saying that the psy scene uses spiritual context without the true meaning is funny to me, granted some folks slap an ohm sticker on thier car or dj case and feel better and spiritual; but some of us know the depth of things and honor the general spirit which can be honored by using images of buddha, ganesha, shiva, kali, jesus, sacred geometry, etc. or by no images at all. or in any way you can!
truly experiencing your life is done in many ways, and sitting around wondering whether its real or not is silly, since our perception of the universe is all that is really real to each person... if you percieve yourself to be doing good things, and you feel content about your life then more power to you. sending out resonant waves of peace and happiness through dance is one of the ways we can heal this world. thats more important than anything, being content within your mind. using teacher plants and other chemicals to shift your perspective on your life situation and personal experience is a valid and crucial way of growing as a person. i find that through the use of these tools, we can expand our boundaries and have a greater perspective of the universe and our place in it. avoiding the mundane by shredding the veils that are draped over us by our society... of course, drugs as the only focus is not the answer, but using them responsibly and ritualistically to enhance and support the further exploration of the self and the universe/time/energy is a time honored tradition of humans who wish not to settle for less, not to stagnate or settle for less, to reach out , to expand and grow as much as possible in every way.
we are the ones weve been waiting for, if we cant show ourselves and each other the vastness of the everything, then how can we expect to have the appreciation for how blessed we truly are to be able to have these experiences. now, i feel in my bones ill be living this lifestyle for as long as i walk this planet... but i dont know this for sure, as some things may change or i may change... each person is on their own path.... and to pretend that one path is better than the other is to be blind to the truth and wonderful fact that we are all individuals.
i for one know in my soul that i am truly happy and this community of dancers and people seeking truth is the one i choose to be a part of. its wider than those who listen to trance.... even house heads are reaching higher planes, hip hop artists too, its sober people and total drugged out freaks too. its healers and energy vampires and it takes everyone.... cause we are all reflections of each other.
i guess ill stop now while im ahead. hehe
boom alex and all psychonauts.
 www.bluespectralmonkey.com
www.touchsamadhi.com
www.interchill.com
www.metacrew.com
www.nw-psy.com |
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Psycosmo
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
42
Posts :
787
Posted : Dec 15, 2004 23:53
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Wow. Ghreg and Bluespectralmonkey just spit some amazing words.
>>when the rejuvenating life waters of romance (and what is more romantic than dancing under an open sky?) meets the sword of critical reason it results in cruelty<<
I think what Ghreg is describing is one of my greatest spititual failings. I love logic, science, reason, but I also love the pure romance of experience. I think sometimes I destroy both by bringing the two together.
>>> Can we transmute our existential crisis of our ultimate awareness of being alone in our experiences, in life and in death, into a celebration of the paradox that we all share this together, this common factor, with compassion<<<
Hehe this crisis of comprehending that aloneness has been plaguing me lately. Maybe that is why I am so attracted to trance... because noplace else are people so together in their aloneness.
Look at how people dance at trance parties. For the most part we dance alone and avoid eye contact. But we are all doing that together. Knowing there is someone else alone in their experience right next to me, I suppose, might be why I find trance parties such a comforting experience.
I am not alone in being alone. Thanks for bringing that idea to my attention.
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mono mono
Onnomon
Started Topics :
5
Posts :
314
Posted : Dec 16, 2004 00:33
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Quote:
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On 2004-12-15 23:53, Psycosmo wrote:
Look at how people dance at trance parties. For the most part we dance alone and avoid eye contact. But we are all doing that together.
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On a practical note, I wish the dancers would be willing to make more eye contact. It's when eye contact is made, and not necessarily in a sexual mode, is when not only greater connection made but the positive spirit is amplifed, assuming both parties are in a positive state.
Seems like fuzzikitten's friend has been blinded by the dilitants. There are people who are interested in the music itself, minus the spiritual symbolism that is usually present in the deco, there are people who attend who just want to "feel good" (i.e. drugs), there are people there to just make money, or demonstrate their ego's in some fashion, then there are people who want to open their minds and learn about universal connection. I have to admit i've been to gatherings (aka parties) in all these capacities. And I certainly share an amount of skepticism at times but it doesn't matter, it's up to me to take advantage of see the opportunties and choose to take advantage of them. Your friend is looking for something that's "more obviously" true; to him it's means perhaps seeing dancers with their whole bodies quivering and their eyes rolled up into their heads, stepping on hot coals for good measure. The rest of us just stomping with our Space Tribe T-shirt looks, to him, like some form of consumer entertainment. And yes it can be.
So you can be disillusioned (or upset) because this person's doubt has caused you to question the sincerity of something you're putting your heart and soul into. Christ! you've got gear now! You have obtained the alchemical apparatus capable of cosmik cognitive chaotic calibration. This disillusionment can be channeled into a test of your own sincerity and understanding of others. I think Castenada calls this the "Gift of Tyranny".
Hmmm...i'm curious about the idea of walking on hot coals, at a trance party. A formidable concept.
-dean
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fuzzikitten
Annunaki
Started Topics :
40
Posts :
603
Posted : Dec 16, 2004 04:00
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Psycosmos put it perfectly: "I am not alone in being alone. Thanks for bringing that idea to my attention."
Exactly.
Thank you, all, for your responses. It is very interesting to see others' perspectives - helping me through similarities and differences better understand my own.
The music may have drawn me to trance, but it is *definitely* the people that have kept me hooked.
Thanks.
peace,
-Alex |
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goadevotee
Started Topics :
6
Posts :
197
Posted : Dec 16, 2004 05:25
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alex you always bring up good issues and i apprecaite them. this thread is starting to give me more hope on the direction of where we around the world are heading as a global trance collective.
i for one think there is something real and spiritual about goa/psytrance experience.it is good to see people taking it as a serious matter.
thanks to all trancers for you vibrations
bom shanka,
devotee
www.touchsamadhi.com |
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furthur
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
1383
Posted : Dec 16, 2004 05:31
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Nothing is real and everything is exactly what you make it out to be. But then again, you already knew that as you put real in quotation marks.
There are a lot of jaded ppl in the scene; the ppl that only talk about how it used to be so great, and how everything sucks now, that the other ppl have the wrong energy, the music is not as it used to be, and in general, the spark is gone. But when you ask those ppl to explain exactly what was there before and is gone now, or what it is that they liked so much before, they cannot answer and you realize that what is gone is the spark inside of them. Not forever, hopefully, as nothing is final.
To contrast how I started this post, everything is real, which is exactly the same as saying that nothing is.
BoOm
Load Universe into Cannon. Aim at Brain. Fire.
www.ganesha.ca |
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fuzzikitten
Annunaki
Started Topics :
40
Posts :
603
Posted : Dec 16, 2004 15:10
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"everything is real, which is exactly the same as saying that nothing is."
ahaha, YES!
After coming to the conclusion that I could prove *nothing* to be real, it left the only possibility that *everything* is real and unreal (since I can't prove it either way).
devotee - I was actually scared to death to post this on an open forum, but I agree that the responses/dialogue have been encouraging.
I have this strange nagging feeling that all these changes we and the scene are undergoing right now are part of some preperation...
...but for what I have no earthly idea.
peace,
-Alex
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furthur
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
1383
Posted : Dec 16, 2004 21:25
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Many ppl feel that we are indeed preparing for something.
It is up to us to make this something a good thing.
Load Universe into Cannon. Aim at Brain. Fire.
www.ganesha.ca |
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