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Sex and Ego (and living your life to the fullest)
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Aluxe
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
25
Posts :
725
Posted : Dec 11, 2009 09:20
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Hey Freeflow, if this woman loves you then I would personally not try and make the infidelity into such a huge deal. I guess it depends on how you really feel about her and how you think she really feels about you. But I know it can be hard, and more so if you have very fixed ideas about how people should behave in a relationship.
But then again maybe her actions are just a symptom of a dysfuntional dynamic you have with her. Perhaps the problem is you put yourself in a vulnerable position with her because of your own insecurities. And if so then it becomes a case of you dealing with your own internal shit rather than putting the weight on her. Because even if you find a new woman you will carry over the same insecurities and potentially end up stuck again in the same type of dysfunctional dynamic.
And I think the pain and hurting is saying something to you loud and clear, like there is a big message there for you which you need to understand. And so instead of trying to get rid of the pain you can use it to move to a new place. Because the pain is sometimes telling you very clearly that something needs to change and sometimes its the only thing that will get you to react so you deal with your shit. It’s a process and it can be very hard but when the message is coming in clear you have to at some point look at yourself deeply and ask why you feel so vulnerable and insecure to begin with.
And Moki I feel your pain and understand you completely. I know your heart is so infinitely in love with this person that the pain you feel is not enough to get you to let go and move on. On some level you do want to let go but then you feel like you are denying to your soul and heart the most beautiful and true feeling it has which is all the love you feel for this person, even if it’s not reciprocated. And love is very blind, or maybe it’s a special eye as well. But you can rationalize the best arguments for letting go however the heart seems to have a mind of its own. So you are stuck in this dilema.
But at some point if you are really not getting the love you give back from the other person then you just have to move on. Like fuck it, reclaim you head! Show some of that powerful endless love to yourself for a change. Treat yourself to some distraction and allow yourself a little freedom. At least start distracting yourself a bit with other people and trying to not get so obssesed with that one person because the truth is that there are many other unique, amazing, beautiful, incredible people out there. I think we all are special and the person you are in love with is only “the one” as long as you are living in their universe. Once you let go things start to change and you begin to see the person in a more normal way, without all the emotional attachment that made you totally vulnerable. And sometimes you will still love the person after you move on. But you won’t be so vulnerable any more. The love will be different because you wont be depending on the person to light up your life anymore.
So I don’t know, maybe there is no solution to all this but to go through the ride. And don’t deny the love if you feel it but if you feel sadness and anger and pain also do not deny those feelings, let them nourture you and deliver their message because they may be trying to help you. So feel it all and let it all take you to where you need to be! And remember to love yourself first! That way you will be in a more stable and less needy position with others.
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Adigroovy
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
24
Posts :
1647
Posted : Dec 11, 2009 10:58
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The issue with the women is like Freud already said:
the great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?"
 to use your head you have to go out of your mind |
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toogoodforyou
Started Topics :
6
Posts :
212
Posted : Dec 11, 2009 12:40
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Quote:
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On 2009-12-11 09:20, Aluxe wrote:
And I think the pain and hurting is saying something to you loud and clear, like there is a big message there for you which you need to understand. And so instead of trying to get rid of the pain you can use it to move to a new place. Because the pain is sometimes telling you very clearly that something needs to change and sometimes its the only thing that will get you to react so you deal with your shit. It�s a process and it can be very hard but when the message is coming in clear you have to at some point look at yourself deeply and ask why you feel so vulnerable and insecure to begin with.
But at some point if you are really not getting the love you give back from the other person then you just have to move on. Like fuck it, reclaim you head! Show some of that powerful endless love to yourself for a change. Treat yourself to some distraction and allow yourself a little freedom. At least start distracting yourself a bit with other people and trying to not get so obssesed with that one person because the truth is that there are many other unique, amazing, beautiful, incredible people out there. I think we all are special and the person you are in love with is only �the one� as long as you are living in their universe. Once you let go things start to change and you begin to see the person in a more normal way, without all the emotional attachment that made you totally vulnerable. And sometimes you will still love the person after you move on. But you won�t be so vulnerable any more. The love will be different because you wont be depending on the person to light up your life anymore.
And remember to love yourself first! That way you will be in a more stable and less needy position with others.
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+1
Amazing post
Everyone should apply your advice in their life. I'm applying it since the past one year. My recent shroom trip guided me into similar way of thinking of truely accepting and loving myself. |
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TheOneWhoMakesYouCrazy
Started Topics :
6
Posts :
165
Posted : Dec 12, 2009 04:49
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Quote:
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On 2009-12-11 10:58, Adigroovy wrote:
The issue with the women is like Freud already said:
the great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?"
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 Yeah the old Sigmund still rocks,I think this is deep. |
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mk47
Inactive User
Started Topics :
118
Posts :
4444
Posted : Dec 12, 2009 11:26
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^ pure gold , relationships are complicated creatures for sure , women more so .. anyway , freeflow , brother , u have a kid with this one , its better for kids when they grow up in a regular family , so try work it out , fuck your ego , spare a thought for little freeflow , im sure she wants the best for him too .. anyway , messy situation , very difficult to tell others what to do , only u can take a call on it .. ... best wishes from me .. ciao
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Xolvexs
IsraTrance Senior Member
Started Topics :
241
Posts :
2848
Posted : Dec 12, 2009 15:43
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no...life is about how complicated you can make it...to make it simple is what others do..so let them do it for you...u just see how complicated you can make it for them
When death comes to your doorstep, make sure you are alive |
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Freeflow
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
60
Posts :
3709
Posted : Dec 14, 2009 11:19
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Thank you all for sharing your wise words with me!
Great advice from all of you. What i find most difficult is to pin point the things you speak about Aluxe, my own issues, cause i really want to try and solve them and not feel so insecure... cause i really think i put my self in these situations where im inferior.... And i dont want that, i want equality. at least to the biggest extent possible.
Again thank you all! big love to you
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CyclotronMajesty
Started Topics :
0
Posts :
6
Posted : Feb 15, 2010 00:05
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even if the feeling of wanting this to work out so badly that i degrade my self.
Im just inferior in this relationship, forgiving also has its shadow sometimes!
I try and open my heart, be forgiving and learn how to love, i will continue to give, its all i can do. but i wont degrade my self anymore
Thanks for your cheering words!
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Yea man never degrade yourself - just don't do it - no matter what the circumstances - ever. Don't do it. Don't degrade yourself for anyone. Regain control of your own life. be careful.
Like you said - never give up. XD!
"Love your enemies" - Jesus Christ.
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Xamanist
Xamanist
Started Topics :
49
Posts :
938
Posted : May 13, 2010 17:57
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Freeflow my humble advice is: clear your mind, find yourself, leave what doesn't suits you behind (fears, memories, behaviour patterns).
Learn to love yourself or, better, to open space for love to come in. Nothing is worthy if you aren't your best friend, all my life I'm learning this, mistake by mistake. The past is past, and NOW you haven't done anything wrong or have any reason to feel bad.
Don't seek love, don't seek sex, love yourself and others and love will come back to you (and sex too  )
Love & Light
Sérgio Xamanist
facebook.com/xamanist
soundcloud.com/xamanist |
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Freeflow
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
60
Posts :
3709
Posted : May 14, 2010 03:58
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On 2010-05-13 17:57, Xamanist wrote:
Freeflow my humble advice is: clear your mind, find yourself, leave what doesn't suits you behind (fears, memories, behaviour patterns).
Learn to love yourself or, better, to open space for love to come in. Nothing is worthy if you aren't your best friend, all my life I'm learning this, mistake by mistake. The past is past, and NOW you haven't done anything wrong or have any reason to feel bad.
Don't seek love, don't seek sex, love yourself and others and love will come back to you (and sex too )
Love & Light
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Xamanist - =) Thanks my friend, i take your words to my hearth and i think i am walking this road now and signs come in all time that this is the right way.
I have listen to all of you here and without your advice i would have been more lost than i was, i am very thankful to all of you!
I am slowly finding my new self again and seeing the light of things
All i can say we need each other and we need to spread as much joy as we can, wake up each other, share our feelings and knowledge!
Its the only way to grow and not hold things inside!
Still i have a long road to walk and i hope to become more open and happy and free my self and everyone around me!
Much Love
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*eLliSDee*
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
40
Posts :
671
Posted : May 17, 2010 06:19
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so I was a bartender for a while and often people spilled their guts to me.
I'd say, listen,, don't sell your-self cheap and do not self-pity. value yourself more highly.
the difference between fucking and making-love is that you are not merely an animal. you (all of us) have a profound soul that is extremely fragile. -this is true even for the toughest among us.
it's really worth it (to make your time on earth more beautiful) to find a soul mate to share your life with, but take care to find someone special because you are special.
,not saying animals have no soul 
sex should be a bonding experience with someone you love. not one-night stands.
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Login
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
65
Posts :
1707
Posted : May 19, 2010 22:38
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Every second we put energy in suffering, is a second wasted. yes we have the right to do it and maybe sometimes is usefull.
But that energy and time are more worth spend on ejoying life, discovering, experimenting and exploring ourselves.
Remember death is behind you all the time, why will you tell her when she ask you to come with her? more time cause you hadnt enjoyed life to the fullest?
"The dedication to repetition — the search for nirvana in a single held tone or an endlessly cycling rhythm — is one of electronic music's noblest gestures." |
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