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Official Jokes Thread
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : Jul 11, 2010 09:40
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A TV INTERVIEW WHICH WAS NEVER AIRED IN THE UK...
You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programs.
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease,
arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter.
The interview was as follows:
The lady reporter:
"I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The farmer stared at the reporter and said:
"Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
Reporter (obviously embarrassed):
"Well, sir, that's a new piece of information... but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
Farmer:
"And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
Reporter:
"Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
Farmer:
"I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"
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Dreamkeeper
Started Topics :
6
Posts :
249
Posted : Oct 26, 2010 07:50
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lmao @ exotic
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.
INDIAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You worship them.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS: You don't have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world
AMERICAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
BRITISH ECONOMICS: You have two cows. They are both mad.
ITALIAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
SWISS ECONOMICS: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
CHINESE ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of Vodka.
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x psyle
Started Topics :
5
Posts :
82
Posted : Oct 27, 2010 16:44
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^^ 
Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music |
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goaren
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
60
Posts :
1151
Posted : Oct 29, 2010 20:52
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great one dreamkeeper  |
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Dreamkeeper
Started Topics :
6
Posts :
249
Posted : Oct 31, 2010 07:15
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thx.  another 1.
The 11th Husband....
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get
SCREWED."
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Koozer Mox
Koozer Mox
Started Topics :
52
Posts :
713
Posted : Nov 1, 2010 00:06
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oMcyLOm
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
1417
Posted : Nov 2, 2010 09:29
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After a month-long holiday in the US, my wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3" black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, "HIJACK!"
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.
The two Air Marshals were about to jump on the guy and overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane: "HI JOHN!"
The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack,
for heaven's sake don't ever greet him on the plane.
~~Co-Creator of A Ritual~~ |
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Dreamkeeper
Started Topics :
6
Posts :
249
Posted : Nov 2, 2010 09:39
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Ahaha.. i ll rem that
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oMcyLOm
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
1417
Posted : Nov 4, 2010 13:37
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^^^ 
~~Co-Creator of A Ritual~~ |
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : Nov 5, 2010 14:44
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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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Koozer Mox
Koozer Mox
Started Topics :
52
Posts :
713
Posted : Nov 6, 2010 20:53
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Vonoom
Vonoom
Started Topics :
14
Posts :
274
Posted : Nov 8, 2010 08:08
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Dreamkeeper
Started Topics :
6
Posts :
249
Posted : Nov 8, 2010 10:49
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Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and
getting screwed !!!
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goaren
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
60
Posts :
1151
Posted : Nov 8, 2010 13:01
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great one |
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Fometrius
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
84
Posts :
2082
Posted : Nov 8, 2010 22:34
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