| Author
|
Official Jokes Thread
|
psybearia
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
17
Posts :
195
Posted : Oct 13, 2008 22:12
|
It’s long, hard, and usually white. It often has little hairs at the end. You put it in your mouth and you move it around. When you are done with it, you spit out the tasty, filmy white stuff. What is it?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
A toothbrush.
  If Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music .. |
|
|
|
psybearia
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
17
Posts :
195
Posted : Oct 13, 2008 22:14
|
A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.
Doctor: Are you married?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you masturbate?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?
Patient: No.
Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?
If Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music .. |
|
|
|
psybearia
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
17
Posts :
195
Posted : Oct 13, 2008 22:18
|
|
A blonde walks into an STD booth to call her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost 10 dollars, she exclaims: "I don't have any money. But I'd do anything to call my mother." The man arches an eyebrows. "Really?" he asks. "Yes, yes, anything!" she says. "Well, then, just follow me," says the man, walking to the next room. "Come in and close the door," the man said. She does. He then says, "Now, go ahead, take it out..." he says. She reaches in and grabs it with both hands and then pauses. The man closes his eyes and whispers, "Well...go ahead." The blonde slowly brings her mouth closer to it and, while holding it close to her lips, tentatively says, "Hello, Mum, can you hear me?"
If Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music .. |
|
|
|
psybearia
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
17
Posts :
195
Posted : Oct 13, 2008 22:23
|
Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long standing obsession - to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts. But he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King's chief physician. Horatio said, "I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000 gold coins to pay
bribes".
Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed. The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching lotion. He then poured a little of it into the Queens brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and quickly grew in intensity. When called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure his type of itch. He further explained that test had shown such saliva was only to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth. King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master and issued the Imperial command. Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote to the itching lotion, which Horatio had given him, into his mouth. For the next four hours he worked passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts. Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demanding payment. However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching lotion into King Arthur's loincloth. Michael the Dragon Master was again summoned by the King...
If Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music .. |
|
|
|
psybearia
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
17
Posts :
195
Posted : Oct 13, 2008 22:37
|
|
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."
If Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music .. |
|
|
|
juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Dec 24, 2008 16:22
|
Super Lol........ ......... ....I bet u can't stop laughing.
These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi. com (marriage portal) These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and
spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
- Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my
home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart....
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or
send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a
first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.
Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me
and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY
TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate
ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
iam kanandevi. i do owo businas..one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'.
i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.
(Zebra..???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
|
|
|
Wizack Twizack
Wizack Twizack
Started Topics :
239
Posts :
3486
Posted : Jan 14, 2009 02:16
|
|
Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Jan 22, 2009 18:04
|
Quote:
|
On 2008-10-13 22:14, psybearia wrote:
A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.
Doctor: Are you married?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you masturbate?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?
Patient: No.
Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?
|
|
hahahahahaha killer 
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
|
|
|
Pt.
IsraTrance Senior Member
Started Topics :
236
Posts :
6106
Posted : Jan 23, 2009 11:37
|
Have I told this one before?
A horse walks in to a bar, the bartender asks; 'Why the long face'?
aahahha  
|
|
|
|
Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Jan 27, 2009 13:45
|
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
The old chief calmly replied, ' Vietnam '.
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
|
|
|
oMcyLOm
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
1417
Posted : Jan 29, 2009 13:06
|
^^^
~~Co-Creator of A Ritual~~ |
|
|
|
sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : Jan 30, 2009 07:15
|
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
|
|
|
Kane
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
23
Posts :
1772
Posted : Feb 4, 2009 04:08
|
Maybe this has been posted before or everyone's already heard it but I only heard it a few weeks ago, so I'll give it a shot:
How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags.
You believe in the users?
Yeah, sure. If I don't have a user, then who wrote me? |
|
|
|
Anak
Anakoluth
Started Topics :
108
Posts :
2395
Posted : Feb 10, 2009 23:34
|
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers?"
The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
Anakoluth A Pebble in Your Eardrum's Shoe since 2001!
http://www.myspace.com/anakoluth
http://www.ektoplazm.com/profiles/anakoluth/
http://cronomi.com |
|
|
|
sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : Feb 11, 2009 06:37
|
|
^^
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
|
|
|
|
