'N'euroToxic~>
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Posted : Oct 22, 2006 13:38
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hi ppl, this guy a very good frn of mine...was introduced to trance n the psy world,a year ago !!today i got a mail from him and this is what it says...what possible could have happened??where does he see himself now??o is he just trippin??
mail:
About a year ago in GOA, I pulled off the most successful hack of my own mind, EVER! You could call it a personality transplant, or maybe an identity theft. It was so successful that it almost seems wrong to say that I was the one who did it, because the "I" who actually performed the hack isn't there any more, and this "I" is someone different.
With every passing day, it seems there's less and less I have in common with my "old self". I have his skills and memories - For sure. My first reactions to things are often what his reactions were, but my second reactions now question the first. "Where have you gone? ", I ask myself, and more often than not, the reason was something that I used to be afraid of, but am not any more. I still remember my old self’s ability to enjoy even the simplest things which is something I am looking out for now.
Yes, I refer to my old self as "he", or "him" - that's how distant we are. Also, it's easier to not identify how distant we are from those characteristics that way, and it's easier to talk about him, too spirit in ways that I never realized when I was him.
I was also dragging myself down, but I never noticed that because it had been constant since the age of six or so. Well, it's not true that I never noticed it, and it's not true that now I'm completely different, either. All of these things are about the stories we tell, and the way we summarize our experiences, and how that affects our current perception. Our lives are rich and full of many experiences, but the stories that we tell ourselves about them reflect what we identify them with and not what we actually experience.
All along, the person I am now. Lived side by side with the person I was then. But "I" was never that person then, because the story I was living didn't have room for this side of my character, and anything I did in that character was therefore "not me". Now, I know the story I was living was different, and it's as though the coin has flipped. The things that were "not me" before are now dangerously me, and the things that were "me" before are not quite really ME.
I am in a world of my own self, ignoring many things in life and actually doing things that I shouldn’t. I wish I needn’t have no EX or # or WEED to keep my spirits high .I at times envy my old self who used to stay satisfied with a quarter full of alcohol uknown of what’s going to happen next. May be another bottle and lay dead on bed and wait for the next day.
Maybe this year in Goa would be a reunion with my old self. I am eagerly waiting for that moment. Though I have no regrets to anything that happened in this year coz that was me after all and obviously was hidden in some part of the old “XYZ” that you guys know.
For now, I some how feel that I am living a life that is NOT ME. I am in a whole different world ..the path of which is visible only if on *SOMETHING#@. The result is ammmmm ?? enevitable I should say.
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...guys i kno it has nothin to do very seriously..,just curious to kno from diff ppl !! |
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