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Official Jokes Thread
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 9, 2005 12:23
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Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers, when they realize there is no soap. Father John says that he has soap in his room, so he goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall, when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The three nuns stop and comment on how lifelike their new statue looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his penis. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look," says the first nun, "It's a soap dispenser. "
To test her theory, the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go at it. She pulls on his manhood a few times and nothing happens, so she pulls a few more times, but still nothing happens. She decides to give it one last try, so she pulls a few more times on his manhood, and then yells, "Holy Mary... It's a hand lotion dispenser, too!" |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 9, 2005 12:25
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A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says, "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boy's nose with every letter and spells "T-O-Y-S."
The little boy thinks for a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa tries once again, tapping the boy's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks for a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-*-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 9, 2005 12:36
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A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
"Tell me all of your sins, my daughter."
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard, and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass, and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?"
"No," the priest says, "but it'll wipe that smile off your face!" |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 9, 2005 12:41
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another good one 
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed, when suddenly an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard that she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking that this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently that she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager, who says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical, but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look, lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in and says, "What are you doing here?"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train? |
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IndiAlien
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
28
Posts :
1224
Posted : Feb 11, 2005 21:20
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The little boy n Santa one is too funny 
more plz...
q(@ _ @)p
 there is a light that
flashes |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 12, 2005 13:12
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heheheheh here hav mor
Two parents take their son to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach, while the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw women with breasts a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Minutes later, he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with penises a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more they talked, the dumber he got!" |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 12, 2005 13:14
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A customer in a restaurant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong, so he calls the waiter over.
"Can you please taste the soup?"
"What's wrong with the soup?"
"Just taste it."
"Why?"
"Just taste it."
"Sir, I..."
"Just taste it."
"Fine, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"
"Exactly! Bring me a goddamn spoon!" |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 12, 2005 13:20
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more ........................
A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"
Bubba replied, "Well, coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw 'em forever!"
The coach went home early that day and went straight to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower and, seeing a window of opportunity, tore off his clothes and started banging his penis on the dresser. His wife immediately stuck her head out of the shower and said,.......................................................
"Is that you, Bubba?" |
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darkiller
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
15
Posts :
324
Posted : Feb 14, 2005 12:24
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A Juncky and a Leper share the same cell in prison, suddenly the Leper's nose fell of, So he grabed it and threw it out of the cell.
Sudenly the Lepers ear fell of too, so he grabbed it and trew it out the cell,
Sudenly! his leg fell off too, so he grabed it and threw it outside the cell.
The Juncky looks at him and say " I get you dude you are making an escape!!!"
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gAN32h
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
11
Posts :
82
Posted : Feb 28, 2005 03:05
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A bus stops and two Jamaicans get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized by the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives...... "
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how tospella 'Mississippi'."
»»»I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!!««««
The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist:. |
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Pavel
Moderator
Started Topics :
313
Posts :
8648
Posted : Feb 28, 2005 06:20
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Good one man!
Everyone in the world is doing something without me |
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jabba
Started Topics :
9
Posts :
662
Posted : Feb 28, 2005 09:07
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hoooooooooo hahahahaha hahahahahaha cant stop laughing maaaaaan hahahahahahaha
good one indeed |
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freakpsyde
Started Topics :
4
Posts :
27
Posted : Feb 28, 2005 19:46
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lol no fair! jokes r allowed here but the riddles got canned  ... chill chill all gud ! boom! keep up the jokes
The entertainment has just begun..
booooooom! |
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CRX(HSS Records)
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
97
Posts :
2707
Posted : Mar 1, 2005 22:59
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a stonehead finds an oil lamp on the road.he takes it and rubs it and then a genie appears and says:for that I will make 3 of your wishes come true.
wooooooooowwwwwww,says the stonehead,aaaaaaa I want a neverending joint.
ok then says the jenie.
after 2 hours and a lots of smoke the jenie says,look its time for your other wishes.
ok man , says the stoner,I'd like another two of those
psychedelic burnout
respect,
CRX,athens |
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CRX(HSS Records)
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
97
Posts :
2707
Posted : Mar 1, 2005 23:01
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and a frosty one
why little helen can't see well?
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cause she has short sight
and why she doesn't wear glasses?
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cause she has no ears
respect,
CRX,athens |
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