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Official Jokes Thread
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exotic
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
200
Posts :
5057
Posted : Oct 10, 2007 14:17
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Quote:
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On 2007-08-24 08:13, kin beat wrote:
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun
game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and
explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and
vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay
me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's
the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the
lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no
answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends
e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
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  missing plug-in |
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Anak
Anakoluth
Started Topics :
108
Posts :
2395
Posted : Nov 27, 2007 23:06
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A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "you won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."
His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blow job?"
"No, I never found her head."
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.
"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Lets have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
Silence took over... then everyone turned to the masochist and asked:
"So, what's it gonna be?"
To which he replies, "Meow!"
Anakoluth A Pebble in Your Eardrum's Shoe since 2001!
http://www.myspace.com/anakoluth
http://www.ektoplazm.com/profiles/anakoluth/
http://cronomi.com |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Nov 28, 2007 09:05
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@Anak.......lol
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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soniqboom
Started Topics :
0
Posts :
0
Posted : Nov 29, 2007 14:29
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2 indian heroin addicts decide to junk up in one of thier mothers kitchen ...in thier stupor from the previous 'hit' they took....by mistake they cook up and inject curry powder in thier veins instead of the 'junk'....
one of them has a dodgy 'tikka' , and the other falls into a 'korma'!  |
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Mad Purple State
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
39
Posts :
1468
Posted : Feb 26, 2008 13:35
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A Sardarji
and his wife are traveling by car from Delhi to Mumbai. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for Rs.
5000/- The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.......... He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth Rs. 5000/-. When the clerk tells him Rs. 5000/- is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
"The best entertainers from, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again. "Well, we have them, and you could have", The Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for Rs.1500/."
"That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you Rs. 3500/- for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."
Mad
No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness... |
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : Feb 27, 2008 06:32
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^^ 
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Mar 17, 2008 09:13
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MONKEY IN THE PLANE
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"
Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travelers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"
Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"
Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"
Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!
No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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Xolvexs
IsraTrance Senior Member
Started Topics :
241
Posts :
2848
Posted : Mar 28, 2008 18:31
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all these jokes got me horny and now i am watchin porn
When death comes to your doorstep, make sure you are alive |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Mar 29, 2008 09:24
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On 2008-03-28 18:31, doughcherry wrote:
all these jokes got me horny and now i am watchin porn
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lol....alryt thn find below a scene of an interview......
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any
specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of
the fate of company
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more
money, so I am here today
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?
I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a
change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job
11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra
than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my
current salary by 30%
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Mar 29, 2008 09:25
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A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer....
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The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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Anak
Anakoluth
Started Topics :
108
Posts :
2395
Posted : Apr 7, 2008 22:02
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full_on
IsraTrance Team
Started Topics :
279
Posts :
5475
Posted : Apr 10, 2008 02:00
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There's this farmer and he has these chickens but they won't lay any eggs, so... he calls a physicist to help.
The physicist then does some calculations, and he says: "I have a solution...
...but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum".
Respect!
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...Be gentle with the earth...
...Dance like nobody's watching...
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...I don't mind not going to Heaven, as long as they've got Coffee in Hell... |
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juice
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
59
Posts :
2081
Posted : Apr 10, 2008 10:00
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success ..........
At age 04 success is... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is... having friends.
At age 18 success is... having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is... having money.
At age 50 success is... having money.
At age 70 success is... having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is... having friends.
At age 80 success is... not peeing in your pants.
Studies indicate that listening to music is good for digestion. |
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Anak
Anakoluth
Started Topics :
108
Posts :
2395
Posted : Apr 13, 2008 00:02
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Quote:
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On 2008-04-10 02:00, full_on wrote:
There's this farmer and he has these chickens but they won't lay any eggs, so... he calls a physicist to help.
The physicist then does some calculations, and he says: "I have a solution...
...but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum".
Respect!
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that sums up the failing of physics in one simple joke 
Anakoluth A Pebble in Your Eardrum's Shoe since 2001!
http://www.myspace.com/anakoluth
http://www.ektoplazm.com/profiles/anakoluth/
http://cronomi.com |
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deeplydisturbed
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
11
Posts :
385
Posted : May 23, 2008 01:34
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what would peter crouch be if he wasnt in the IPL????
A virgin! 
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