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Official Jokes Thread
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xrust
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
63
Posts :
1742
Posted : Oct 25, 2005 04:01
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a guy gets into a cab and seating in the back.the cab driver seems to be a new one in the job.the client teels the direction and the driver starts.after a while the client wants to ask the driver smthng and he taps him on the shoulder.the driver suddently freaks out,loosing control of the car and bumps onto other cars.he is really freaked.the client asks"whats wrong with u man?" and the driver says"dont do that again man.till yesterday i was working as a driver in a funeral office"!!!
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sorceress
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
16
Posts :
833
Posted : Oct 25, 2005 08:51
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Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hidingmarijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They searchthe shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, butfind no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
Dont thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously use your intelligence
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Protons and Proteins |
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sorceress
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
16
Posts :
833
Posted : Oct 25, 2005 08:51
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There were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question.
To he first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alchol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alchol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.
To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.
The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years".
100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.
The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM GAY! IM GAY!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; "hey man, got a light?"
Dont thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously use your intelligence
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Protons and Proteins |
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orange
Fat Data
Started Topics :
154
Posts :
3918
Posted : Oct 25, 2005 19:34
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there is a huge bodybuilder guy 2 meters tall but with a very thin girly kind voice going to a bar he gets in and everybody that was there get realy scared of the huge guy!
huge guy goes to the barteneder hits his hand at the bar and sais with hes thin voice '1 whiskey!!'
everybody that listen to hes voice fall down and start to laugph calling him gay and stuff!!
the huge guy dissapointed left and went to onother bar gets in everybody get scared again cos he was huge went to the bartender hits the hand and sais 'i whiskey"
everybody start to laugph again with the thin voice and kiked the huge guy out!
thu huge guy dissapointed next day goes to the doctor asking for help about his thin voice
doctor sais to him to bie a piece of wood 1 meter long 5 cm fat and stick it in hes ass for 2 hour every day!
huge guy makes the therapy for a week and goes to the first bar kicks the door again people see him and start to laugph he goes to the barman and sais with a huge and fat voice '1 WHISKEY!!!'
everybody shut up and stop laugping and the barman give the bottle for free
huge guy did the same in all bars for a week and finnaly nobody laugph at him again
a month after huge guy goes to the first bar he went again goes in nobody speaks sais to the barman '1 WHIskey' but half of the word was with the thin voice again everybody start to laugph again and they kicked the guy out
huge guy very dissapointed goes home and sais to his wife with the thin voice 'woman do you know where the wood is?' and woaman answers with a huge voice 'NO!!!'
orange
http://www.landmark-recordings.com/
http://soundcloud.com/kymamusic |
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Stazi
Started Topics :
1
Posts :
30
Posted : Oct 25, 2005 23:18
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psycho analyst
Started Topics :
0
Posts :
594
Posted : Oct 26, 2005 08:19
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Quote:
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He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; "hey man, got a light?"
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*tsk* *tsk* *tsk*
my heart goes out fer this fella...  
subuk subuk
Peace
Signature?? wot signature? why signature? No signature!! No Cig, Only Nature!! |
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xrust
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
63
Posts :
1742
Posted : Oct 26, 2005 15:16
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2 indians met.the one says:my name is"the rock that fell of the mountain,passed the valey,rolled through the trees and fell in the river" but friends are calling me "plits"
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xrust
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
63
Posts :
1742
Posted : Nov 2, 2005 05:34
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one guy is stopped by a policeman for typical check.the cop sees many big knives in the backsit of the guy's car.so he asks"why do u want all those knives for???" so the man says" i am working in a circus as a juggler"...ok" says the cop,"show me"..so the guy takes the knives and start spinning them on air.he is a pro,so he does it very well.by that time another car passess by and see the man spinning the knives...so the driver says"oh fuck,thank god i quit drinking.alcoohol tests have become very very difficult"
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full_on
IsraTrance Team
Started Topics :
279
Posts :
5475
Posted : Nov 2, 2005 20:17
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I like this thread! 
Respect!
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...Be gentle with the earth...
...Dance like nobody's watching...
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...I don't mind not going to Heaven, as long as they've got Coffee in Hell... |
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CRX(HSS Records)
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
97
Posts :
2707
Posted : Nov 4, 2005 20:26
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One guy gets in a cab and says to the driver
"hey mate can I leave some beers and a pizza in the back seat?"
"offcourse"says the driver.
then the guy turns his head to the back seat and puked!
Helicon Sounds Music
www.hssr.gr |
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Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Nov 7, 2005 20:54
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Quote:
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On 2004-10-27 15:42, psyreviews wrote:
how many psytrance DJs does it take to change a lightbulb?
one to change it, four more to stand around shaking their heads saying how the old one was better
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lol
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
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Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Nov 7, 2005 20:56
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i love this thread...may this thread go on..n on n on foreva!!!
Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
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Psy_mystic
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
15
Posts :
448
Posted : Nov 9, 2005 02:00
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 plz no more!!
"Detox is for queers" |
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Forest dreams
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
107
Posts :
9697
Posted : Nov 10, 2005 12:28
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Redneck Computer Lingo
Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.
http://www.catsprn.com/Rednecks.htm Nothing is said that has not been said before. |
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blueOrb
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
100
Posts :
1698
Posted : Nov 10, 2005 12:57
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good logic ??
1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it
Fed UP?
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil
come from?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a
broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific
mean to make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a
success?
10.If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
11.If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do
humanitarians eat?? Humans ???
13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???
New mixes on
http://soundcloud.com/blueorb
Older Mixes on
http://blueorb.podomatic.com/ |
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