traveller
IsraTrance Senior Member
Started Topics :
234
Posts :
3803
Posted : Oct 10, 2003 16:41
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THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
Remember the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Well,
here’s a prime example offered by an English professor at an American
University.
“Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
Paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read
what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must
be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion
has been reached.”
The following was actually turned in by two English students:
Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S.Harris to
Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...” But before he could
sign off, a bluish Particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
“Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored
her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to
become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks
who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the
congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
after the passage of the treaty, The Anu’udrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no
one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off
the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which
vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The
President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We can’t allow
this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow’em out of the sky!”
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(gary)
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-cantered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no,
I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels.”
(rebecca)
Asshole.
(gary)
Bitch.
(rebecca)
Wanker.
(gary)
Slut.
(rebecca)
Get f*cked.
(gary)
Eat sh*t.
(rebecca)
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
(gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
**********************************************
(teacher) A+
I really liked this one.
i know i know.. it's not a link.. but it's f'cking funny.. i can give you a link to the forum i grabbed this from is you wish..
  "The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program."
- Larry Niven |
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