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Hang Over Ratings
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Dragongurl
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
19
Posts :
623
Posted : May 18, 2004 13:50
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1 star hangover
No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka and Red Bulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
2 star hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover
Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.
Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding a roller coaster.
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
5 star hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.
Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.
6 star hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.
You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.
OK, now hands up all those who have had a six star hangover!!
Thought so!!
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I hosed myself when I read this, hope it also gives you a good laugh!!!!  Thank goodness I dont drink!!! Yuck!!
  :: Life can be as bitter as dragon tears
But whether dragon tears are bitter or sweet
depends entirely on how each man perceives the taste :: |
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aje
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
99
Posts :
1145
Posted : May 18, 2004 15:07
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Kaz
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
90
Posts :
2268
Posted : May 18, 2004 16:06
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Quote:
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On 2004-05-18 15:07, aje wrote:
you forgot the seven star hangover , where you get up after drinking 20 beers and 10 shots and feel just fine the next day. At this point you should start to worry, you are becoming an alcoholic.
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How about this:
The eight star hangover: you wake up, see dozens of empty bottles (of scotch, vodka, tequilla and ouzo) and vaguely remember drinking all of them, but feel nothing. At this point you need to understand you probably died of alcohol poisoning.
http://www.myspace.com/Hooloovoo222 |
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blueOrb
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
100
Posts :
1698
Posted : May 18, 2004 16:32
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DeathPosture
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
142
Posts :
547
Posted : May 19, 2004 01:09
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I've been there way too many times...
How would I describe it? Terrifying. Enlightening. But utterly terrifying. You swear you'll never go back. Ever. And the next thing you know, you're taking it again. You're going down that tunnel.
*sS*
DeathPosture
On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion... |
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LeeLoo
Started Topics :
2
Posts :
364
Posted : May 19, 2004 03:14
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Quote:
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On 2004-05-18 13:50, Dragongurl wrote:
...
6 star hangover
...
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
...
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But farting? farting?  no wonder help is short lived at this stage!!! hehehhehe!
Minds are just like parachutes. They only work when they are open. :) |
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Pavel
Moderator
Started Topics :
313
Posts :
8649
Posted : Dec 22, 2006 23:54
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Still funny! 
Everyone in the world is doing something without me |
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kArO
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
11
Posts :
1206
Posted : Dec 23, 2006 03:12
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oooh.. my personal 7******* hangover was 7 gin and tonics in about 7 minutes  oh but not before insisting my friend take me home in her car since i'm too drunk to drive - but she already has taken me home IN MY CAR and her brother is there to assist extracting me from said vehicle because i refuse to get out... wtF was that all about... i don't even know... because i retarded myself that night. not my brightest moment ... never convince yourself that inside of the car is okay because you can "clean it tomorrow"... uh.. yeah, i went there. i thought i remembered but what i found in the car was terrifying 
um, i'm over the destructive binge drinking stage 
maybe.
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