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Chuck Norris.... Part 2
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Yellow Warrior
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
35
Posts :
898
Posted : Oct 12, 2007 15:18
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Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of pussy Chuck Norris eats.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.
Chuck Norris is living proof that the theory of Evolution is wrong. Not even evolution is stupid enough to turn something into Chuck Norris.
The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".
The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris.
This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  Rather than feeling that you're about to have the rug pulled from under you, let me teach you how to dance on a flying carpet |
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CRX(HSS Records)
IsraTrance Full Member
Started Topics :
97
Posts :
2707
Posted : Oct 13, 2007 01:39
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u killed me bro
and a short one
a man goes to the store and the clerk asks him "what u want?"
the man says"nothing"
"look down", says the clerk,"what u see?"
"nothing" the man replies
"pick as much as you want and get the fuck out"the clerk replied
I like Delta force very nice:D
Helicon Sounds Music
www.hssr.gr |
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sure_smoke_alot
IsraTrance Junior Member
Started Topics :
45
Posts :
6874
Posted : Oct 13, 2007 07:10
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 i nearly fainted 
the problem with valuing art is, till u dont understand it, it's worthless but wen u do understand it, it's priceless!! |
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